Have you tried Yoga?

 Have you tried Yoga?

The truth is, I can’t actually complain about unsolicited advice since I offer it out too. I also recognise that is coming from the kindest of places. So it is wry humour, and not spite, that I write this. 

Most people with chronic anxiety or depression will have heard the same things, repeatedly from strangers and friends. A selection:

• have you tried yoga/meditation/Pilates/Taichi…….
• Do you get enough exercise?
• You need to stay busy!
• You need to relax!
• You need more YOU time!
• You need to speak to your GP
• You need to speak to a therapist
• You need to open up more
• You need to try and not dwell too much
• You need routine
• You need to do something spontaneous and fun
• You need to come off medication
• You need to get some medication
• You need to change medication

Etc

I will try and address these well meaning comments gently. 

• have you tried yoga/meditation/Pilates/Taichi…….

Short answer? Yes. 

I mean, no, not every variable of martial arts/relaxation. 

But, yes, I have explored these options thoroughly. Some work. Some are actually ineffectual for me as I don’t sit still, silently very well. My brain gets it’s introspective megaphone on if I do.

Some are expensive/awkward. Many rely upon consistency, attendance & energy: I can’t guarantee I’m going to manage these week upon week. 

So, yes, I do meditate when I feel able. I love a massage when I can afford one. 

It helps sometimes but the impact is pretty small. 

• Do you get enough exercise?

Ahhh this old gem! No, no I don’t. Never have. 

Because…

I. AM. EXHAUSTED 

pretty much all of the time. It’s a seriously annoying side package to depression. 

When I have energy, I exercise. That’s the best I can do. So I end exercising sporadically (*see below for “you need a routine”)

• You need to stay busy!

This one actually makes sense most of the time. Being busy means less time to think, a feeling of purpose, a direction for nervous energy. 

But that last word there…. Energy… that is the spanner in the solution of keeping busy. As with exercise, business requires energy. Something I often don’t have. 

• You need to relax!

Just like that. Go on. Relax. I command it. 

My brain can run at 1000 miles an hour, following a million thoughts. I can’t stop it! 

It’s a freight train with no brakes! I can stop my body from time to time and that can help but switching off the weird fizzing, popping computer in my head is tricky. 

When I do manage some stillness…. It leaves a vacuum for THOSE thoughts. 

 - You need more YOU time!

Even I say this to people but what does it mean?! 

In my last relationship it was a euphemism for taking a poo or self pleasuring.  (Neither of those help much either in case you’re curious!)

See, I’d say 95% of the time I don’t LIKE me. Why would I want more time with someone I actively dislike? So I can be irritated by her even more?! 

• You need to speak to your GP

She and I are on first name terms. If I was efficient enough for a Christmas card list she would be on it. We talk lots. In fact, I think she may ask me to be godmother to her next child. 

My GP is fully versed in how my mental state is. She, in turn, keeps me updated on my options. 

• You need to speak to a therapist

Another one?! 

Since being diagnosed age 21 I have spoken to no less than 35 therapists. 

That’s a lot. 

I also work with them, am training as one and get routine clinical supervision of my own. 

I’ve tried CBT, NLP, EMDR, Hypnotherapy, Person centred talking therapy, psychotherapy, IPT, transference, immersive, Arts based, Play based, DBT, MBCT……….

Some work well. The average cost of non NHS based counselling is £50 per hour minimum. The average NHS wait time for 10 sessions? Over a year. 

• You need to open up more

This one DOES work for me. I find that breaking the silence and stigma around depression and anxiety is soothing. It some how makes it all feel more worthwhile and a little less intense. It has, however, resulted in me losing friends, jobs and opportunities. That sucks. 

• You need to try and not dwell too much

So this is a bit like saying “you need to try not to have that migraine. You’re clearly just not trying to stop your head throbbing and your eyes hurting!”

Depression is, by its nature, a dwelling illness. It sits in the corner of your mind replaying things, recounting mistakes, rehashing what ifs and coulda, shoulda, woulda’s. I can’t exactly tell it to just “lighten up”. 

Forgetting you have depression is like trying to forget that your nose is bleeding or that you’re vomiting everywhere. It tends to remind you, painfully, of its existence at every opportunity. 

• You need routine

Yes, yes I do. And I have diaries and calendars and phone reminders and white boards to remind me to do things like eat, feed the cat, take my pills, buy food. Everyday I get up, I hold down a job, I keep myself and another living creature alive and I push past the toxic, noxious fog that is this stifling illness in order to survive. 

That is what my routine allows me. Without routine I would almost certainly be drowned by it. 

My routine means that, when my limbs are leaden and my head is playing kamikaze with itself, I still have food, I still eat, medicate and keep my floof ball alive. 

But to manage routine beyond this is to assume I can maintain any semblance of continuity in my life. I can’t. Because tomorrow I may not even want to have a life. 

• You need to do something spontaneous and fun

Oddly, I need this just as much as routine. The problem is that the sentence above brings out every single anxiety imaginable.   I think maybe I seem confident and lighthearted. It’s practice. 

I’m not. 

I worry. Incessantly. What if they hate me? What if I do/say something stupid/annoying? What if it goes wrong? What if I’m late? What if I’m early? What if I’m too fat? (“Don’t be stupid! OF COURSE you’re too fat!”)…….. it feeds the voice, which feeds the depression and renders me inert. 

• You need to come off medication

A popular one among those who generally haven’t ever needed to medicate. I have been on antidepressants and anti anxiety pills for half my life. 

Firstly, it’s not so simple to “come off”. 

Secondly, do you tell diabetics to just “give up the insulin!”?! 

It wasn’t a lighthearted decision to take chemicals. It was considered, educated and reviewed. Repeatedly. 

• You need to get some medication

I make Breaking Bad look amateurish! I have some serious pills! I don’t take them all every day. Some are for serious panic attacks or episodes. Some are for the insomnia triggered by depression and anxiety. Some are for the side effects of the other medication I take. Some are my homeopathic attempts at feeling better. 

I don’t need more meds. It’s like an adult smarties factory here already. 

• You need to change medication

As above. I have tried many different medications. Each attempt coming with its own delightful withdrawal, cooling off and new side effects phase. Some have been interesting. Like wanting to crawl out of my own skin, feeling menopausal at 25, having 2 month long periods, getting hair loss and psoriasis on my scalp, bloating, acid reflux, nightmares, sweats, head shocks, suicidal impulses, hallucinations (auditory and visual) and disassociation.

I change as infrequently as possible.

To conclude: I am a whining, excuse making misery who simply doesn’t want to be fixed. That’s probably what some of you heard. To you I send luck. Luck that you or your loved ones may evade these illnesses. And compassion. To compensate for the deficiency you seem to have. 

Hope this insight helped. Please ask questions if you need to. I am am open book.